#6️⃣ Chori chori, chupke chupke!

three short books you can read in office while pretending to work😎

Dear reader,

Believe it or not, I'm back. Yes, indeed, it is I, Agra ki azeem fankaara, mallika-e-husn, noor-e-nazar, Mohtarma Mohini!!!

Just kidding. Scratch that. It is I, your favorite newsletter-writer 😇. 

Back from yet another unannounced, long ass hiatus. But this time, I won’t inundate you with dus lame bahaane. I am just going to borrow a page from Mamta Kulkarni’s book (and her dance moves💃) and hope that it assuages some of your ire. After all, could there be an apology better than Mujhko ranaji maaf karna, galti mhaare se ho gayi!

Now, let me fill you in on all that has happened since I went laaptaaa from your lives. You see, I have been an absolute girlboss irl, lately, and ticked some major goals off my list: 

1. completed my half-a-decade-long undergrad 

2. started my first ever job 

3. relocated to a new city 

4. shifted two houses within four months of said relocation 

5. met Diljit and expressed my undying love for him, and he acquiesced, and we have been living in matrimonial bliss ever since. 

[Okay, okay, strike off the last one. Nothing of the sort could ever happen. Not for lack of trying on my part, though 😢] 

Back to girlbossing. I hate to break it to you but it comes at a price. Ever since starting my job, I have hardly got any leisure reading done! And as I drag myself through corporate drudgery every day, I cannot help but ponder over Prasoon Joshi’s soul-stirring lines from the song Roobaroo - 

“Kyun sehte rahein?” 

Why must we suffer, indeed, as we are made to dedicate endless hours to work, leaving us with little time for anything else, such as, reading, writing, and other meaningful pursuits? 

But don’t you worry, reader, for I am not going to stage a workplace rebellion. Not anytime soon, anyway 😏. I am somewhat largely content with my professional life, despite the occasional rant. Because I firmly believe that ‘the whole thing is that ki bhaiya sabse bada rupaiya’ 🤑

Now, this doesn’t mean I am a total sellout. I do challenge capitalism’s chokehold in my own way😤

By squeezing in reading time into my daily routine, any way I can. Even during office, when the work's slow. Or not. Sometimes, sneakily. At other times, right under the noses of my colleagues and bosses. While pretending to look up something on my phone. Or excusing myself to the loo. Straight up hiding a book on my lap under the table. Sometimes, even in the middle of billable client work.

[Okay, I haven’t gone so completely overboard, yet. But you get the drift, right?] 

And so, in this edition, I bring to you books I was able to read in office, and no one was any the wiser! These are all under 150 pages, so you can be done with them in a jiffy, without inviting any trouble at all from the HR!

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📚📚1.

Ghachar Ghochar by Vivek Shanbhag

This novella packs quite the dumdaar 👊, despite its measly size!

It revolves around a joint family, tracing its gigantic leap from abject penury to immense good fortune. Its succinct language shows us how the family members’ dynamics within themselves and interactions with the outside world change in response to their new financial conditions.

The brevity in style adds layers to the story by leaving key details to the readers’ imagination. The ending feels especially enigmatic and sinister, as we finally realize the dire measures that the protagonists are willing to take, even against their own, to ward off any threat to their new-found wealth.

Reader, when Hard Kaur said “Paisa fek, tamasha dekh!”, this is the book she meant! So, shell out some 💰💰, and secure your copy!

📚📚 2.

Comfort Me with Apples by Catherynne M. Valente

Now this is what you call a chhota packet, bada dhamaka 🤯! At just 103 pages long, this one wowed me in ways no other book has in quite some time!

From its blurb, it appears to be a tale of domestic mystery about a wife whose picture-perfect life with her husband begins to fall apart when she discovers that he (and apparently, their entire neighborhood) has been keeping some unsettling secrets from her. But as you read further, Valente introduces biblical themes and elements of magical realism that give the plot an ominous turn.

This curious mix of genres is expertly executed through creative use of lyrical prose which keeps all the clues hidden in plain sight. By the time you realize just how seriously amiss things are, it’s already the end, and you are left wanting for more! To top it all off, the book also makes a wickedly smart and strong feminist statement, but I’m going to keep mum about it, because I don’t want to give away the plot!

Reader, take my word, and give in, as this decadent treat of a book beckons you with a rasiyaaa, aa jaa🤤!

📚📚 3.

Sour Candy by Kealan Patrick Burke

Reader, do you harbour a passionate dislike for little children, especially the ones who can be found screaming/crying hysterically at any given point of time? Well, I do, and reading this book only served to bolster my feelings.

It starts off with our narrator, Phil Pendleton, browsing through a shopping aisle when, out of nowhere, an evil little kid claims him as his ‘daddy’, and begins to manipulate his life and of those close to him, all the while sucking on sour candy🍬. To make things worse, the child is sometimes visited by ancient horned creatures😈, who casually plunge Phil into the depths of the underworld!

Burke’s brand of horror is psychological. But it is unnerving, all the same, to see Phil descend into madness (and starvation!) as he surrenders to the whims of the demonic child.

The story also drives home the point, albeit in the creepiest way possible, that parenthood, especially when it is thrust upon you, is far from easy, and that bacche are mann ke sacche, until they are not!

Reader, consider this book your 84 pages-long warning to steer clear of the chillar party, lest they should reduce your lives to tai tai phish!

With that, I'll put a stop to my yapping. For now.

Writing this newsletter, after so long, felt like greeting a happier version of myself from the past. I hope it brings a fond smile to your lips, too.

As always, happy reading!